The Christian Crazies

And their Sept 23 nonsense!

God some looney prophet is scaring people with the nonsense notion that ‘the rapture’ is going to happen on September 23 – where on earth do we get these crazy Christians??
 
More than one person is spreading that rumour Mark. Lots of people are running scared.

Honestly?!? Oh man God, where do we get these people for goodness sake??

Humans Mark. Just ordinary people.

Surely not God!! Spare me, pagan tribes have been looking at the sky and thinking it was going to fall, pretty much ever since the world began. And now these people, with full access to a normal education, are making a mockery of you by spreading this nonsense. It makes me cross God.

Me too.

Why you?

Because they could be listening to me, but instead they listen to the father of lunacy.

Well do something about it then please God, for goodness sake! Get these blimmen whackos out of the public eye!! The rapture on September 23? The end of the world? The birth of the church? What will they come up with next?? You and I both know God that nothing like this is going to happen on September 23!!

Yes I know that, but how do you know it?

Well God seriously? Apparently the stars are going to be in the same configuration as when you were born on September 23. So what?? The sun rose on the morning you were born too, that’s a fairly significant galactic event, but it doesn’t mean that every time the sun rises, we’re in for the rapture.

Yes. But how do you know for sure it’s not going to happen?

Well I asked you just now. And you said I’d be dying at a ripe old age, and so would my kids, and their kids after them.

Yes. But why did you ask?

Because I heard that some drop kick Christians were running around scaring people with the wild idea that because the planets do something unusual on September 23, that the rapture is going to happen. I mean seriously? Surely these self-appointed prophets know better than this?? They’re peddling bull#@&t God!

Sadly they don’t Mark.

Why?

Because they don’t know how to hear me. Period. They’re lost. Deaf. Have no idea how to hear me. Nada. They’re barking up the wrong tree and listening to their enemy.

But God they’re pretending they know exactly how to hear you.

Well they don’t. They listen to him instead and think it’s me. They listen to him condemn them for their faults, and then they pass that condemnation on to others. Just like the Pharisees did. They listen to him demand extra service to me, and they load that on others too. They listen to him demand they read more bible, pray more prayers, sing more worship. It’s all rules Mark. Rules, rules and more rules. His rules. Not mine.

He’s already got them fooled into thinking his voice is mine, so now this whole September 23 thing is so easy for him to slip in. They’re gullible and up for any rubbish, because THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HEAR ME. So many men and women teaching the church, have no more idea than a goat how to hear me. Does that concern you Mark?

Concern me?? To be honest no! I’m over it God. Up to here with it. Those weirdos can stew in their own silly rubbish. What concerns me is that they are telling the poor unsuspecting, unchurched about their crazy ideas. I’m just hoping my unchurched friends, people who I like and respect, don’t hear this latest round of Christian craziness. They’re the ones I’m concerned about. I don’t want these numb nuts telling them that you’re going to turn up and take all the lovely Christians away, and then thrash the poor buggers who are left. Spare me God!! Where do these people get this crap???

You know exactly where they get it Mark, from the father of crap.

God you said crap! Hah!!

Mark I invented crap, remember. Without that function, you’d be doomed. Ask a doctor. But back to the September 23 lie -- my suggestion to the church is stop listening to this prophet and that, and start listening more to me. “You do not need that any man teach you, because the spirit teaches you, stick with what the Spirit says.” Eph: 3:10

But nobody knows how to listen to you God!!! That’s why they’re all so eager to listen to anyone who proclaims themselves a prophet. That, and they’re all too busy being bullied by Satan into trying to please you with super-Christian-effort.

Well then teach them. And teach them to teach others how. Start an army.

Nope. Not me God. If you ever catch me having anything to do with starting a religion or a movement of any kind, shoot me right there and then. I’m trying to help people listen to you, so that they can be free from being dominated by this one or that.

Mark if you teach others to hear me, they, not you, will overthrow this lie that I only speak through the prophets, or the bible, depending on which lie they’ve bought into. I don’t want to speak through a man, I want to speak to each of you, just on my own. Yes I’ll use the bible, and I’ll use what others teach you too, but much more importantly, and much more often, I just want to talk direct to you.

Well that’ll be a shock for all the ‘I’m-the-big-man-of-God’ types God.

It’ll be a shock to more than just them Mark. On one end you’ve got the ‘God-only-speaks-through-the-bible’ fundamentalist lie, and on the other you’ve got the ‘listen-to-the-mighty-man-(or-woman)-of-God’ lie. I’m not coming to whisk you all away and thrash all the ‘naughty ones’ on September 23. Sorry but that’s not how it goes down. It will be just another day. It will have plenty of evil and plenty of good, just like any other day. But I tell you what I am doing, right now. I’m not waiting till September 23, I’m doing it right now.

What God??

I am beginning to crush the systems of control that find my people obedient to the direction and whims of this leader or that, and unable to hear me for themselves. This is the very thing that Martin Luther and so many others have spoken against, the control of God’s message by mere men. And it’s happening again. I am going to set people free from all that.

So Mark, if the September 23 Rapture is more of the enemy’s lies, why would he lie about that sort of thing?

God he’s been driving my generation, and the one before, to be rapture-mad for the last 40 plus years!!

Yes why?

Because it takes our eyes off living in the world you have given us, a beautiful world, it makes us not want to bother doing a great job of the world and our time in it, because hey, we’re going home soon right??

And what do you think of that Mark?

God it makes my blood boil. You made us to work and play and live and have a fantastic time on earth. To make the place better for our having been here, but the bloody devil has us all running around waiting to be beamed up to heaven, and hassling the poor unchurched to ‘get saved’ so they can come too. You want us to enjoy and build each other, not harass in a mass spiritual panic.

Exactly. That will do for now.

But God I wanted to talk about Winkie Pratney and Dennis Peacocke, and a number of other very smart men, and the stuff they’ve got from you around this subject of not trying to run away from the world, but actually building it.

We can talk about that later Mark.

Ok.